Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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