you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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