Where did you get a picture of my penis
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
