no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
