He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
