I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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