I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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