at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
