i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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