Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
