i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
