his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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