Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's like heaven, but drunker
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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