Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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