remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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