just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
