Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
