Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
third nipple confirmed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
