Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
