my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
