Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she told me i tasted like america
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
