I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
