So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
