dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
