I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Two words: blizzard sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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