how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
