His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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