I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
