another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The power of my boobs compel you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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