saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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