he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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