i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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