thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
