Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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