Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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