I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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