I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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