You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
