Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize