Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
