We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
