I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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