I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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