i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
