walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
