She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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