found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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