yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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