so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
