I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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