Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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