bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
