I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
