Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
