she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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