my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
