TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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