i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
