what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
