we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
