Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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