Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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