just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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