I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
