So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
