and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
