I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
