So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
