In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize