Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
